Happy Valentines Day, all you singles.
Yes, I am only wishing a happy valentines to the singles because I have good reason to believe that the couples will take care of themselves. We, singles gotta look out for each other on this, the cuddliest of all days,
This Valentines Day, as I attended a speed dating night, I considered the topic for me, that of Christian dating. Or the lack thereof.
I throw myself under the bus as the worst example of what I think is a common conundrum for Christians everywhere. I'm single, reasonably mature at twenty-three, yet haven't had a date or girl friend. I think most people in position have, so everything I write here pretty much describes me, but I'm confident that it rings true with a large portion of the Christian community. It's my own thoughts and nothing authoriative. (That's the disclaimer out of the way.)
Us, single Christian are a peculiar bunch. Most of us want to date, want to search for the right girl/guy through trial and error but it just seems so much more complicated in Christian circles. We feel like we have to jump through certain hoops to be eligible and unsinful in dating. However, we don't really know what these hoops are or how we'd even begin to jump through them.
Luckily, I think I've managed to identify a few of these hoops - the beliefs we have about what a good Christian should do in courtship. (Courtship is much holier then dating, apparently.)
1. We should only date when it leads to marriage.
Yes, I believe that if a relationship clearly isn't going to ever lead to a healthy marriage then its it not a healthy relationship but how many married couple who've dated since their school days started dating with marriage in mind.
2. I need to be ready spiritually for a relationship
This is the belief that only perfect people are ready to date. If you have any major problems in your life, that between you and Jesus. Its not baggage that you should be bringing into a relationship. The problem here, is that we're always going to have baggage, always going to have faults. If we ever get to the stage of thinking we don't thats when we're in trouble. A good friend said to me, that it when we're aware of our own issues that we're most ready for a relationship.
3. God will bring me a woman (or man)
This belief continues on as "so looking for one myself is acting out of faith". Although the phrase "God helps those who help themselves" isn't in the Bible, I believe the flipside is true: God doesn't help those who neglect themselves. If it was money you lack which of these is the better thing to do: to get a job and work or to pray that God will supply money but never seek to earn it. Our desires for love, intimacy and romance are given by God. Why is it quasi-spiritual to ignore them?
When it comes down to it, I think we're scared. We scared of the pain that dating can bring with it. We scared of stepping out into the unknown? I scared of the sear of rejection?
So, I along with my fellow single Christians simply sit and wait until.....
Lets change that.
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